When I first learned about perspectives way back in 2004 during my coach training at the Coaches Training Institute it was a revelation for me. There’s more than one way to look at something? Not just one way? Not just my way?
A large part of the work I do is focused on how to improve the health of our relationships. There are definitely some very specific things that do and do not work in regards to communication, working with conflict and sustaining a healthy functioning relationship. My own personal and professional relationships have certainly provided a fertile training ground for me to practice what I preach. It’s not always easy but certainly worth it in the long run.
A willingness to be influenced is an important part of sustaining a healthy relationship. If both parties are willing to be influenced by one another conflicts will be reduced significantly and be replaced with a collaborative feeling. It is even more important for the person with more power contextually to demonstrate a willingness to be influenced as this creates a sense of ease for the person who may be struggling to find their voice.
Have you ever found yourself in a relationship conflict where you care more than the other person about resolving the issue? This can be incredibly frustrating. I know, I’ve been there many times myself.
There is a distinct difference between bringing forward a “concern” or “complaint” to somebody with the intention of working it out and attacking a person’s character.
Did you know that only 7% of our communication is conveyed using words. Most of what we are saying is being translated through our body language and the tone of our voice! So, regardless of what is being said people are constantly picking up on what our tone and body language is saying to them.
I know, easier said than done. I never said it was a piece of cake but…it is possible given some consistent effort and willingness.
Behind every complaint is a request! We hear a lot of complaining in our families, organizations and communities. Sometimes we are the complainer looking for some one to lend an ear and other times we are asked to provide a place for someone to vent their frustrations. We agree, we all need someone to vent to now and again, however, we need find people who are going to hold us accountable for what comes out of our mouth. Who can we trust to remind us of what is most important? We can help each other find our voice to ask for what we need. When we find ourselves or others complaining we need to create space for some healthy ventilation. Healthy ventilation allows us to get things off our chest so we can proceed with healthy choices and not so we can complain on and on and on without ever resolving anything.