Wherever I go and who ever I’m with there seems to be this huge gap between how folks are “really” feeling and what they are able to discuss with each other. The conversations remain fairly superficial all the while tension mounting and the elephant in the room growing larger and larger.

Where conflict is concerned there is usually an accusation, implied or direct, that has been picked up by the receiver of an unskillful message. For instance, someone delivers a message in the form of a complaint that is unclear and carries blame with it! Sound familiar?

We live in an ever-changing world of circumstances that are often beyond our control. If you are anything like me there are times when I try to control everything around me as a way of creating a sense of security. When I do this I create a high level of stress for myself and those around me. I need to remind myself that as circumstances change I must continuously adapt in order to stay balanced, healthy and fulfilled in my life.

In society today we move so quickly, we often forget how important it is to feel heard. We listen selectively to the things that we can most easily respond and react to those things that invoke the strongest cognitive response.

A willingness to be influenced is an important part of sustaining a healthy relationship. If both parties are willing to be influenced by one another conflicts will be reduced significantly and be replaced with a collaborative feeling. It is even more important for the person with more power contextually to demonstrate a willingness to be influenced as this creates a sense of ease for the person who may be struggling to find their voice.

According to relationship expert Dr. John Gottman there are very specific things we should and should not do in our relationships.  The use of something he refers to you as “toxins” can make or break our personal and professional relationships.

Have you ever found yourself in a relationship conflict where you care more than the other person about resolving the issue? This can be incredibly frustrating. I know, I’ve been there many times myself.

This just in! There is a distinct difference between discussing something where all parties are willing to be influenced and talking AT each other.

There is a distinct difference between bringing forward a “concern” or “complaint” to somebody with the intention of working it out and attacking a person’s character.